32

Another year.

Day went like this.

Barely slept due to Bo-bo sick.

Wake up - to presents; beautiful bag (seriously beautiful), earrings and a silver briefcase of make up.

Receive phone call from my best friend over in England - forget that I'm supposed to be getting ready for uni as I sink into the couch and chat with her. God I love and miss her so much.

Breakfast - J makes me french toast with bacon. Yes I'm spoilt.

Off on the relatively empty train to uni - where I hear how to write a CV (yes, I've been doing it correctly for the past 14 years). Meet with my thesis supervisor who tells me she is impressed with my results chapter (that is a birthday present in itself). During a lecture I receive this text message from my mum

"I've tried to call you, I know you are very busy. You were born just over
30 mins ago, 32 years ago and what a beautiful baby you
were. You have grown into a beautiful young woman. So happy
birthday A, love mum"

I sooked. Goodbye lunch with the other students and academics. Wow, 2 weeks and we are there. 2 weeks and my placement is OVER.

Run to the train, get off at work and meet my supervisor - laugh hysterically all the way to our meeting for the afternoon. So much laughter, it is supposed to be work - but we discuss all manner of things. Gee I'm going to miss her when I finish. She gives me a present (an eyebrow wax voucher, which her partner frowned upon saying 'what do you think she's going to think about that?', whereas I was so happy. Eyebrow waxes are something I just cannot afford - so off to get the furry things shaped today)

Back from meeting and catch 6pm train home. Call mum to let her know I'll be home, so she comes over to see me. Have a quick dinner, cuddle with boys and then off to kinder AGM where I nominate to be vice-chair again.

Home at 8.40pm.

Such a busy day, yet still filled with my friends and people that I care about. I'm having dinner with my family tonight, and I think there is cake on saturday night with the boys so I'm looking forward to that.

What I'm not looking forward to is the crazy day I have at work today. Very tough and challenging stuff will probably be happening today. Can't say much more than that.

2 weeks to go.

dreaming

As I try to do everything I can to avoid what is most important at the moment (writing my results chapter), I just thought of something that I can share here.

Last night, while I was taking a break from my uni work, I walked into the living area and saw J sitting facing the stereo, glass of wine in one hand, eyes shut, posture relaxed and him just enjoying a quiet moment with the music. I haven't seen him doing that for such a long time and my reaction shocked me. Do you know what I did? I burst into tears and his eyes flew open with concern - but my tears weren't about sadness or longing, they were tears of relief and joy. Now I might be still plumbing the depths of my final weeks of study, but for my glorious husband - friday was his last day of uni. All he has left is 7000 words (due this friday) and another couple of days at his placement. Then it is all over for him. 5 hard years and it comes down to this - this might sound overdramatic but I cried because I haven't dared to think about what comes next in great detail, but over the past few weeks cracks and glimmers of hope are starting to appear. We are that bit less careful with our shopping and feelings of panic and dread don't hit as I see the checkout price. We've started to think more seriously about what we will do next year, the car, the income, the freedom to think about things.. I cannot explain to you how this is feeling. Anyway back to J. I haven't seen him this relaxed this entire year - he has been working day and night - he has also been shouldering a lot of the financial pressure that I normally take on. It was just so lovely to see him like this, so the tears flowed freely and they were tears of relief.

Can you imagine what I'm going to be like when we both graduate? I think I'm going to howl like a baby when I get to walk up on stage - it is all seems so dream like that this is going to occur - and I know that some people don't value the ceremonial aspect of graduating very much, but for the past 5 years I've been visualising this moment for myself and when I watched J graduate last July with his undergraduate degree, I cried buckets for him. But it isn't just me that I'll be sooking for, because I already know there are a number of people who will be there; my mum and Mario who packed up her life and moved to Melbourne and has moved her life around to help us with our childcare in the past two years. Who moved to live in the same suburb to support us in any way they could; lending us money when times got really tough for a bit there this year, who took me out and bought me shoes last year before I started my first placement because I didn't have any and couldn't afford them, who has encouraged us and cheered us on all the way. I will never be able to repay them for the love and support they have given to us. And so they must both be there to watch. And to my special little boys who have only known parents who are stressed and who always have so much on our plates - who know how to get to Melbourne uni by car, train and could probably get to the library unaided. They also know the trains to Monash and think the computer is permanently attached to mummy's fingers. I also have many, many friends who have loved, listened and supported us the whole way through and we have tried to figure out how best to say thank you to those around us, so we are planning this big catered party in May 09 - the weekend of my graduation and though details are sketchy at this point, we think we will throw open the doors of our humble abode for family and friends to say a big thank you.

And see just like that, I waste 30 minutes dreaming about next year. SMACK, get back to work - how the hell am I going to keep myself on task?

Things to make me smile on a friday..

ok time for positive, happy happy joy joy post! These are all the wonderful things that have happened in the last week.

As of today I have completed nine (9) weeks of a 14 week placement!

Today I upped my caseload to eight. How cool is that? That is almost half of the patient load (20).

I have organised a drug and alcohol worker to come in and present at a PD session in a fortnight. Kudos points for me. :)

I have managed to continue to network with a variety of people with a sw at a major hospital here and she has invited me to visit her. And she is a Monash alum too (Distance education too, who would of thunk it - we DE people really do make freakin great sw's - my own supervisor is also ex Monash, in fact I started the same year as her).

Today I had a particularly long intro phone call with a family member - and didn't realise that my supervisor was hovering and as I hung up the phone she looked at me square in the face and said ' You are amazing!', she had overheard my conversation and thought I was excellent. Kinda hard to beat that compliment.

I won a Melbourne cup sweep on tuesday - giving me $36 and I've decided to take my family out for breakfast to celebrate.

Today my husband attended his last lecture of his degree.

My 5yo went under the water during his swimming lesson no less than 7 times and is so chuffed with himself.

My mum came home from her holiday and QLD and brought me the most beautiful earrings from Eumundi markets.

And next week - I'll be in week 10. And I'll have 4 weeks to go.


Only bad news that I have is my next deadline is looming. 17th November and my 1st draft of results is due. Best get onto that, eh?

Oh yeah and that I haven't been to the gym in almost 3 weeks but I'm off tomorrow for pump then cycle, wish me luck because I think I'm gonna need it.

2 weeks down

and while I'm on placement, my boys get to do things like - go to the zoo! My mum woke up this morning and decided to take the boys to the zoo! I got home from work this afternoon, walked in flicked the kettle on and the boys came running up talking about a monkey and lion and Mum mentions 'oh I decided to take them to the zoo today'! How lucky are they?! Nanna and the boys exploring the zoo together.

Last night James and I went to J's kinder art show (they do painting on canvases and it is displayed at an art gallery - parents go - drink wine and marvel at all the clever children - and purchase their childrens painting if so desired - of course we bought J's - it was a masterpiece!) and of course I saw some of the people from the committee who I haven't seen for a while, as well as the other kinder mum's and teacher.. and they were all incredibly interested to see how I'm getting on. When asked about my placement, I can't help but gush! And whilst talking about it last night, I gained a bit of insight into why. See sometimes SW is involved in negative situations - eg; drug and alcohol, child protection, loss - grief, homelessness etc. And obviously, this is no different - being that the criteria to enter this ward is severe head injury.... BUT it is so overwhelmingly positive as well.
Here is how it goes;
People have serious accident/fall etc - have severe head injury/trauma etc
They go to acute hospital - and are medically stabalised - come out of coma etc
Once they are medically stable, they are transferred to our ward - but can still be in post traumatic amnesia (PTA) etc.
Once out of PTA, they then meet an incredibly co-ordinated team of specialists including speech pathologists, neuropsychologists, occupational therapists, physiotherapists, rehabilitation registrars and consultants - and they work together exceptionally, as the patient begins to recover from the traumatic brain injury.

It is like being privy to watching a person rebuild themselves and watching the co-ordinated effort of all the experts together is mindblowing. I'm not sure I'm able to convey what I'm trying to say about this place, but truly it is amazing. And I'm working there. Obviously I haven't mentioned what SW role is, but it is also incredibly important - as the SW acts as the front for the team, connecting with the surrounding family and friends, as well as the patient - helping with practical matters, educating about brain injuries, coordinating meetings with the specialists, as well as any supportive counselling requested or needed by any involved. And because they are long term patients, you actually do case management (which is not common in other acute settings, due to the high turnover of patients) I'm learning so much, so much more about the brain than I ever knew. Such a positive place to be working in, how am I going to leave this place in 12 weeks? I'm so, so, SO applying for hospital positions next year. Right now, I'm independently visiting some patients and offering support and assistance, how cool is that?

Oh and yesterday I went for an inservice to hear about a PhD's in neuropsychology discuss her research and I couldn't help myself, I found her later on the ward and gushed to her about her work, it was amazing! She was also incredibly interested in my research and we talked about my findings and the similarities between the hospital settings and the stark differences. I love being surrounded by such intelligence, seriously!

Ironically, I'm off to watch 'America's next top model' right now, hey - I don't want to be TOOO smart eh?

Saturday...and it is 25 degrees!

Gosh I love spring. It takes that first sunny and warm day for me to realise just how much I actually like it. And I love what it does to my surroundings. Melbourne just comes alive!

Anyway - 5 days down on the placement - still loving it. We are in discussions about taking on my own case load but until then (possibly in a week) I will be starting to settle in to going into see patients by myself etc. But truly? I seriously love it. And the best bit, I am not snacking because the job has me running around all day. The hospital resembles a rabbit warren and my desk is nowhere near the ward that I work on. So all day, I run up and down the stairs - barely ever sitting down. Thats got to be good for the fat shifting, right? Also, because I am barely ever around - I am not snacking at all. Which means I am have limited my caffeine intake and have zilch chocolate as well!

All this is good and well, because the downside is, I haven't been managing to get to the gym at all during the week, due to my start time (8.30), and I only managed to get there monday and then today this week. Today I did pump and then cycle and while it hurt a little, it was nowhere NEAR as bad as the other week that I blogged about. I feel good, very good - and even better that the weather heated up and I put some summery clothes on and looked decent!

My children also survived the week without me, pfft they don't need me at all. Except Noah suddenly wouldn't poo on the toilet because of big scary spiders (has been toilet trained for months) and my poor mother had to clean 2 pairs of his undies. My mum at 66 ran around town yesterday signing leases, get cheques done, going to Highpoint etc - as her house has been put up for sale and she wanted to get out of there asap, and ended up getting the first house she applied for. It is SO much nicer than the one she is in now, and it is for the same price. A lovely californian bungalow, partially renovated too. Anyway, she did all of that running around with her two granchildren on board. She is an expert, I would have surely crumbled.

Anyway, best get back to transcribing. I have 1 and 1/4 interviews to go. I can hear my children playing joyfully in the sunshine with their wonderful father.. I am very tempted to join them...

xx

first day of spring...!

A word of warning.

Never, ever do a pump class after not attending for a few months, believing because you have been weight lifting during that time, that you can continue with the weights that you had lifted some months previously in pump. Because come song number two - the squat track, you will be squatting with 10kgs on your back for 5 and a half minutes non-stop. For the rest of the lesson my legs shook uncontrollably, so much so that I couldn't do dead-lifts etc.

and then...

Do not stumble from that class across the hall to a cycle class - where even the teacher looks amazed as you walk in and asks 'are you trying to kill yourself?' - but in my mind I need to get on that bike to get rid of the lactic acid build-up, surely that will be good right? Woohoo I worked my arse off for 50 minutes...then gingerly walked down the stairs clutching at the railing everytime I had to bend my knees lol.

and then..

Do not go to your reformer pilates and works solidly on your core.

Oh it hurt so good! And it was all fun and games until sunday morning, when I woke up and could barely get out of bed - everytime I got up or sat back down, I had to hold onto something otherwise I would yell out in pain. My quads are killing me.

Did you think I learned anything from that?

This morning (mon) - I hobbled, yes hobbled out of bed, into the car and gingerly walked back up those stairs - clutching the railing all the way to my favourite bike (left in 'my position' - you know you do a lot of spin classes when you have a particular bike and it stays on your setting because you are the only one that sits on it lol) and did it all again at 6am.

ahhh I love exercising. I really do.

p.s - that reminds me... I have to tell you all the most bizarre phone call I had from my mum last week that went..

'Hello Alexis, how are you?'
'Well, having an awful day actually *bursts into tears* - the boys are in a bad mood and we've all been fighting today non-stop'
5 minutes of pat-patting from mum and ssh-sshhing then..
'Oh yes and by the way, I had a facial today from.. a RELATIVE of yours!'
*sound of jaw hitting the floor*
'what the?'
'Oh yes the new beautician at the gym - she is your third cousin - we worked it out while she did my facial. Her great-grandfather is your grandfathers brother..'

My mum hey, the things she finds out. She never fails to amuse me ..

So on saturday -sweaty and hobbling after doing those above mentioned classes - I walked into the beautician and saw her... she said
'oh my god you're so white! You don't look like us at all..'
'no, I don't. But why would I, my father is tongan.. you are Maori'


It turns out she has just moved over from New Zealand and was so excited by the fact that we were related, rang her grandfather at home. Photos are being mailed over from NZ as we speak. See, see nothing bad ever comes from exercising.


Uni stuff - transcribed second interview. Starting to transcribe third interview. Trying to source fourth interview. Freaking out a little bit. Meeting with supervisor tomorrow to pencil in some dates. Last essay ever due in next week. Final placement commences monday.

a quick excited entry

I just put my 'buying a house with a granny-flat for my parents' to my Mother and not only does she agree with it, she thinks it is a fantastic idea. They will put some money towards the deposit (20k for instance) to enable us to get into the property market quicker and they will live with us in a granny flat. We have no ties, no restrictions on where to live - maybe out of Melbourne, maybe stay where we are, maybe Northern NSW! How EXCITING!!!!

atonement

..is Body attack. I gasped my way through a gruelling Body Attack tonight with my most favourite instructor. I think I might punish my body in this way every week. Surely it's got to be the thing for increasing my fitness. I could keep up high impact the whole time, EXCEPT for my stoopid feet. Even though I have the inserts from the Podiatrist, I still get the arch pain when I am making movements like 'jacks' or whatever they are called. I might need to call on my foot friend Cylie for further advice.

Not sure if it will equalise all the dirty cadbury eggs I have been scoffing all day.

But when you are reading about miscarriages, death, grief, loss, depression and the like what else can you do? The more I read though, the more I know this topic is incredibly important.
I got the most hilarious text message from my mum who is in Slovenia with James' sister;

'E (James' sister) and Mo (my step-father) are hungover and still
asleep. I'm off to the markets'. LOL

Must of been some wild night there in Bratislava. I'm slightly jealous. I want my mummy home, only a few days to go and she'll be back here safe in Melbourne, the boys miss her so.

Just so there is a bit of everything in this post; another gloat to go along with my academic prize... James was notified today that he got accepted for rent assistance from his uni for the rest of the year (35 bucks a week) added to that he also got given a $500 bursary amount (I have the cheque in my hot little hand) because we are struggling students raising children. James' university has really looked after us. I know the amounts are quite small to most people, but to us it really could make the difference, it just takes a bit of the stress off us.

ok, best to bed.

Mother Darwin...

Ok apart from the things I have stated so far - this is what has gone wrong on mums trip.

• Arrived in France in the middle of the night and forced to stay in a postage stamp sized dump. Some 18 hours later than they were supposed to.
• Missed their train to Lille as nobody told them that Paris was an hour ahead of UK
• Baggage damaged (and who on earth would know WHO did it - considering all the different flights she got on just to get here).
• Moving between terminals in Kuala Lumpur to check in for their flight to Heathrow, they got onto the wrong train - the express into the CBD (roflolololol), mum said as it started to pull away she started howling and saying 'I don't want to stay here' and then under her breath 'this stinky place'. I'm sorry it sounds insentive of me, but I could just picture my parents - the door shutting and then going in the opposite direction and not stopping for 30 minutes. With no further Europe flights leaving until early the next morning, they would have been incredibly anxious waiting to get back to the airport.
• Upon arriving at Lille to pick their car up they were asked to pay approximately $1000 for assurity. Something that they were not told about.

They still have to fly to Slovenia, get to Slovakia and Vienna and then get back to Slovenia for the flight to Helsinki, to the flight to Hong Kong and back to Melbourne. Apparently Mum says she will have a book to write of all the things that have gone wrong, and they are at a point where they are just laughing about things as they happen.

Good news is that they are now situated approximately 2km from Bray - this is where my Great Grandfather won his Victorian Cross. Go here: http://www.victoriacross.org.uk/bbgordon.htm to read about him. Anyway this is the reason that she is there - and I imagine it will be amazing for her - as it is also the 90th anniversary of this battle so there are plenty of people over there. I expect plenty of photos and stories about this place when she gets back. I do hope they are having a great time and eating as much French food as possible on behalf of me.

Somebody asked about how I feel about Anzac day. It's hard because for most of my life I haven't taken it seriously, mostly I used it as an excuse to have a hangover and lay about in bed. Now, maybe because I'm older or because I have children - I do feel quite sombre about it. I never knew my Great Grandfather, so I'm not sure what his position about War or his involvement in it. I don't agree with it and I'm sad that we have to have ANZAC day really, but regardless I still respect what they have done for us and I don't believe anybody should ever forget either. That said, I have never been to a march - but I might consider going with my mother next year because I know how important it is to her.

I'm also incredibly excited for my step-father. He is about to see his sister and his home country (Slovenia) for the first time in 45 years.

In other news;

Gymming? - Yes - yesterday and today. Todays effort included weight training interspersed with skipping just to keep the heart rate sky high.

Uni ? - On track - application done and handed in. I will hear back around May 20 whether my application was acceptable and ethical enough to do lol. I have planned for them to reject it once, but it will be an absolute bonus if it goes through, because then I can start my research a whole month earlier. I will spend this next month on my other work, I still have 3 assignments for my other subjects to do. And to organise my final placement.

Children? - Currently sitting in loungeroom watching television. They are generally exhausted on a thursday after childcare and kinder for 3 days in a row - so we slop around a bit on a thursday. I offered to take them to the beach today but Jude declined (!!). They miss each other so they just want to hang out together. How lovely is that?

James? - He is beautiful. I am thinking, thinking, thinking about what to do for him given that he is working his bum off for us. He is barely ever home, but when he is - he encourages me to get out and exercise, go out etc. And he is off feeding mum's animals twice a day no matter what. He is such a beautiful man. I can't wait to have a little bit of spare money where I can show I appreciate him.

OK, best go - children might get square eyes, Motherguilt is kicking in.

and in other news...

First of all, I think my mum might be in Paris now? Bloody hell, I hope so. That would be almost 48 hours since they started travelling. They got stuck again in London so I answered another phone call at 3am, saying that Air France was demanding 500 pounds to fly them to Paris. Luckily the gorgeous CP manager here in Melbourne had given me her mobile number so I woke her up and she sorted it out. I haven't heard anything else, yet - so hopefully they arrived and they are asleep. I've just rung the travel agency now to double check that all the other arrangements as per their itenary are correct and confirmed. I'd love for them to have a relaxing holiday now with no more stuff ups.

Now onto gloating uni news;

'I am delighted to announce that you are an award recipient for the School of Humanities, Communications and Social Sciences 2008.
Award name: Behavioural Science
Award criteria: For producing an outstanding assignment in Forensic Psychology'
Prize : $75..
Please attend blah blah blah...'

Very nice surprise, especially about the money. It could not have come at a better time.

I also have my first result in, Distinction. Excellent. Now I'm off to email my final copy of my ethics application, it is being submitted tomorrow. Wish me luck!

I'm off now, I want to get to the gym before I have to pick Jude up today. I've made a connection about my eating. Whenever I'm tired, I eat like a piglet.

Bleary eyed

I have had the biggest weekend, take a seat and let me tell you all about it.

Friday night

consisted of me, my mum and a good friend go here http://www.savers.com.au/main/ to look for a dress to wear for the girls dinner for the following night. I found one! $6.99 for a retro dress, which Rach unpicked and then sewed back up for me while we shared a bottle of wine, hic! Thanks Rach!

Saturday

No gym, I decided to spend my day with my family as lovely Isis rang and asked me to stay with her at the hotel she had booked herself into. What an adventure, staying in your own city but in a hotel! We checked in and cracked the bottle of wine immediately, and sat chatting freely without the interruption of children. Ahh the pleasure of that cannot be measured. Very soon after we had a knock on the door and we found Suse on the doorstep. We then meandered next door to Ames and found a few more lovely ladies - Eventually we made our way down to http://www.minirestaurant.com.au/ . Divine is about the only way I can describe it. The food, the company, the laughter, the wine. It was such a fabulous night.

Sunday

Alarm off at 7.30am - bleary eyed and hungover I showered and got myself ready for a birthday breakfast of a dear friend. Met up with a few of the girls from the previous evening and set off for the botanical gardens. Oh is there any better remedy for a hangover than a greasy bacon, mushroom, tomato extravaganza with baked bean and cheese jaffles, eggs, fruit salad, danishes and filtered coffee thrown in for good measure? Oh I ate until I just could not eat anymore. Celebrated the birthday with someone who looks nowhere near the age she says she is (40 pfft, I look older than her!). Then off to take mum to the airport - where it went something like this; Go to airport to find out Typhoon has hit Hong Kong so mum has been bumped off Cathay Pacific and is suddenly flying with Malaysian airlines so she can get to Paris still, so what started off being a 30 minute trip - ended up being 2 hours at airport. Feed children McDonalds and order gigantic coke for said hangover. Watch underbelly (thanks Deb!), fall into deep, deep sleep.

approximately 3.30am - awaken from deep sleep by mobile phone and house phone ringing - it goes something like this;

Mum crying and anxious. Malaysian airlines would not allow them to board their flight from Kuala Lumpur to Paris - she got dumped from the flight - they wouldn't accept her to travel to Paris because she didn't have some document that Cathay Pacific would pay for the flight sector a FIN note apparently. The woman at the airport did so much as rifle through her bag (because she didn't believe that mum didn't have it!!!!!). We think the woman at Malaysian airlines check in back in Melbourne did not give it back to her. There were 8 other people that had been moved from Cathay Pacific flight with her and none of them had trouble, they all got on their flight and are happily on their way. They argued, cried and tantrumed for 3 hours- stressed out of their minds about what to do and whose fault it was - and in the end decided to ring me at 3am to ask me to help. Mum was crying, anxious and just wanted to come home. Finally after 4 hours I got through to a human being at Melbourne airport. Thank god for the internet. In the time it took to get onto her, I had already managed to look at KL's flight schedule to had sorted out an alternative way of getting to Paris by this evening. They had said to her last night that she would have to wait for a midnight flight tonight, effectively losing almost 2 days off her trip to Paris.

Upside is this; Cathay Pacific have the most loveliest lady at Melbourne ap who remembered me and my parents from the airport yesterday. She immediately got onto it and organised 2 tickets to London on the first flight out of KL, and upgraded her to business. She has also organised them 2 tickets to Paris on an Air France flight and given me her home mobile number to contact if there are any more issues! Now that is service. Now Mum always wanted to be upgraded, but unfortunately in not so crap circumstances.

Fingers are firmly crossed that this is all the issues they will have. They still have tonnes of flights ahead of them. Hope they enjoy the pointy end of the plane for the entire 13 hours. Love you mum and have a great time xx.

So I am bleary eyed, I missed the gym - I'm still in my PJ's and I have to put the finishing touches on my final draft of my application. Bleurk.

I'm a bit surprised that I have a few more visitors, hello Melissa :).

Off to write and then sleep. I'll try to add some photos in..