the coming 3 days

today - I graduate. I have been invited to special drinks for sw honours students where they will present awards as well. I pick up my regalia at 5.30pm - drinks go from 6-7.30pm and then the ceremony starts at 8pm. There are nibbles afterwards. I am taking my mother, my stepfather, j and my children. Slightly nervous that the children will be exhausted and lose it somewhere during the ceremony, but I really want them to be there.

tomorrow - I am going out for dinner with some of my closest friends (incl some that are flying in just to celebrate with me).

saturday - J and I hold a massive party to say thank you to all of our friends who have supported us over the past 6-8 years.

Am I excited? So much so that I can't sleep, hence the 6am blogging.

More info..

Sorry I really was blogging on the run yesterday! I was on my way to work. I've neglected this good old blog lately as real life has taken its toll.

First;

Thesis

As I mentioned in my earlier blog post, I received my mark on monday. Yesterday, I met with my gorgeous supervisor (gosh, I love her) to receive the hard copy of my thesis and the actual official markings etc. My thesis overall received a mark of 84 (two scores averaged), so clearly a H1. My honours mark overall was made up of my 4th year subjects averaged (worth 50%) and my thesis (50%) which equalled 80 - so just into the H1 arena. But pfft, I'm there and thats all that matters. The remarks about my thesis was simply mind blowing. On the train on the way home yesterday, I read my thesis again (spotted 3 editing errors oops) and went hmm it is pretty good, lol - perhaps these markers were on the money!! I will include the following comments; there were pages of them, but will just include the really special ones (to me):

"The thesis was a pleasure to read. It is thorough, authentic, sound and
comprehensive. The study makes a significant contribution to our knowledge
of this area, and especially the potential role of sw. I would encourage the
student to publish her work widely and present the material at relevant
conferences. The hosp sw special interest group of the AA SW, for example,
may be interested in a presentation of the findings". "The way the findings
are presented is very respectful of the participants and they are reported
in a way that is authentic. The use of quotations, stories and other
material about the experiences of these women is very effective" "The
conclusion is strong and these findings are significant. Well done". "The
study is excellently executed and the theoretical framework is well
justified" "The thesis tackles a difficult area, and does this with great
rigour. It is heartening to see the centrality of sw"

If anybody else is interested in reading the full actual thesis, it is massive. But I am happy to email if anybody really wants to have a read... I also have a small report that will work better as it is only 2 pages long!

Honestly, I had no idea that I would feel so immensely proud of this - this piece of work is my own, from inception to submission - I have had control of what is in there, how it looks, what it says - obviously without the amazing women that contributed it would be nothing - but I am still very proud of myself. Its a funny feeling. And that one of the markers has encouraged me to do something with the results feels so amazing. They believe the results are that powerful and the area so deserving. Wow.

Work

Work is excellent, but oh-so-tiring. So much more tiring than when i was there as a student. There is no protected case load and nobody there that I can bounce ideas off. I am there mostly making decisions on the run and learning fast about managing up to 16 patients at once - it is a grade2/3 position so not a normal 1st job after graduation! I'm really seeing the beauty in having a year or two to be a graduate or grade 1 practitioner. Just the extra level of support would be really beneficial to me - still I'm surviving and flourishing even. I seem to work really well under pressure. I really, really enjoy working. I'm half-heartedly looking for something a bit more permanent - if something excellent comes along I will apply for it, but otherwise I'm really happy working where I am. The income is excellent, the team type atmosphere is fantastic, the work itself is really rewarding and the skills I'll come out with will really help to get me another job.

Home

Little J has settled into school really well. He is bringing home his readers and talking about his schooling. He has some new friends (all girls) who he adores and his favourite class is art and computers. N is also going great guns - especially considering how much his life has ramped up this year, he is loving 3yo kinder - but really does appreciate the down days at home. Today at 3pm, he is yet to put on any clothes - he loves that type of freedom lol. We recently bought them a bunk bed and they are loving it and appreciating their personal space (they were sleeping together in a single bed, by choice!!). J is also starting more regular amounts of CRT work. Which is great for him and at the same time, he is putting together a research proposal that he will complete this year as part of his Masters (so back on the train ride again, but not me this time thank god!) and last night he was asking me for advice about the methodology - never thought I'd be one to give him academic advice! So apart from that, our household is healthy, happy and chugging along quite happily.

my thesis

Very quickly - because I have to get ready for work.

I just wanted to share that I have received my thesis mark.

H1 (high distinction or A - the highest mark you can get). The mark for the thesis was so high that it pulled my overall honours mark up also to a H1. I'm graduating with first class honours.

I have never been more proud of my achievements. I'll come back and talk more once I have a little more time. But I thought a few of you here would be interested to know.

Back..

Wow, I've been a bit neglectful of my blog, apologies for that, but things have been super busy here - oh and HOT.

My thesis is done and will be submitted tomorrow. My supervisor says that I write beautifully (not that you ever see it here - I'm always blogging on the run ;) ) . If anyone is interested in hearing more about my research, let me know and I'll devote a whole post to it. Anyway I'm off to uni tomorrow to drop back my uni books that were due back last month, have a coffee with my supervisor and submit 2 bound copies of my thesis and then pick up a letter saying I've completed my degree and eligible to join association - just in time for...

Starting work on thursday! I start 4 days a week for the next few weeks and my job hunting will take on a more serious position. Through networking there is a possibility of a job coming my way, but I don't want to jinx it so will not say too much yet. Suffice to say that it would suit me down to the ground. Anyway, I'm looking forward to returning to work. It will be so bizarre going there though, as the last time I was there I was a student and now I'm there as a paid employee. Another great part is the other student has secured a maternity leave position there so at least we'll be in the same boat lol. Two beginners treading water together lol.

My oldest son starts school tomorrow and I am so excited because HE is so excited about it. This morning he woke up and said 'oh I can hardly believe it, I am so EXCITED to be a prep Mummy!'. Our plan for tomorrow is to drop our youngest son off at childcare and then J and I taking little j for a babycino before going to school. Tonight I will be preparing school bags, laying out uniforms and getting lunches together , what a proud moment for me. All the other kinder mothers think I'll be the sook tomorrow, but I don't think so. I'm proud and excited for him. He is so ready for school. To celebrate this momentous occasion, his body decided to mark this by losing his 3rd tooth (top front one) so now he looks like a big boy.

Well unless you live out of Australia, you will most likely know that we have just endured a horrendous spate of 40+ degree days here (with one reaching 45) - urgh. For those days we camped out in the loungeroom on air mattresses in front of the aircon. Very cute to sleep all together, the boys loved it. I have to admit though, after those few days we were very happy to get back into our own beds - air mattresses are not the most comfortable - especially when they appear to have a slow leak! To escape the heat during the day, we sought refuge at our local pool and this is where an amazing thing occurred. Everyday we went, we ran into at least one of little j's friends - and by the end of day 3 - little j was swimming like a fish. Why is this exciting you ask? Because last year, most of little j's swimming lessons were devoted to getting him to putting his face in the water. He was terrified! By the end of the year he had progressed to putting his head in the water but refused to take his feet off the ground. Well! On friday his face was barely above water and he was swimming from one side to another. Such a confidence booster for him - I only wish I had the camera to capture the absolute joy on his face. And n! He was also swimming - and he was throwing himself in the water and diving to me for the whole time. I'd forgotten how fun the swimming pool is, so today we're off to another local pool for a few hours.

Unfortunately J has not managed to secure a position for this year. He has had a number of interviews, applied for stacks of jobs but keeps getting pipped at the post (being ranked no 2) - he is pretty devastated, and truth be told so am I. I had hoped that at this time we wouldn't be struggling financially so much... but we are actually worse off at the moment because our childcare has stopped being subsidised and instead of paying $6 a week, we are now paying $165. Eek. So hopefully he will get some emergency teaching and will manage to pick up a job soon. He is so fantastic, he is clever, he did so well at uni and his portfolio is amazing but apparently it isn't easy for graduates to get jobs - and there were 5000 graduates who finished teaching last year. So that coupled with experienced teachers is really a lot of pressure. Those that know him are gobsmacked that he hasn't been successful yet. He has such a way with teenagers and is just like one of thos cool teachers that we all used to have (mine was in grade 5, he played in a band and drove a retired ambulance to school - man he was so cool). Anyway, I have every faith that his time will come.

Exercise has only just started up again. I stood on the scales the other day and I've put on 2kg . That 2kg is devoted entirely to the editing and writing of my thesis. Back onto it next week.

I have so much more to talk about. Sydney, family, life - but I think I will leave it there - and make it a resolution to post more often.

Just putting the final pieces together, back soon

Sorry I haven't been updating, my thesis is due next week and so all of my energy has been focused on that.

Just a general request from people who may frequent here. I'm looking for some art to compliment my thesis - especially the title page and I would rather use something from someone "I know" iykwim. I'm also happy to put a short poem on there somewhere. It doesn't have to depict miscarriage, but it needs to fit in with the themes of silence, loss etc.

Alternatively, if you have any ideas about what I could do illustration wise there let me know..

If you do have any ideas or want to talk privately about it - contact me on asmcl1@student.monash.edu

Talk after the rush of next week is over :)

I'm here

Just recovering from the general Xmas mayhem followed by travelling and spending almost 2 weeks away from home. I've been home for almost a week, but have been chained to the PC making final touches to my written work for my research.

I'll be back, I have plenty of photos to share... and lots of stories to tell. Including an instalment of the never ending story about my father (not a good one I'm afraid) - lots to tell about Sydney, talk of my NYE resolutions (a bit late, I know) and all of our amazing expectations for what will hopefully be a fantastic year for us.

so now what?

Well I'm sitting here on a sunday afternoon. All of my coursework has been completed. Tomorrow I will get up at 5.50am to go to cycle, then come home without having to rush to board the sardine line - I will take my children to Kinder/Child care and my might leisurely go home and make myself a yummy coffee (thanks Shel ;) ). Thats going to be strange. The next time I enter a workplace there will be not "student" in front of my name, and I will be getting paid!

While I am excited for the most part, I still have this dreaded thesis hanging above my head and until that is done I can not celebrate fully, so today/tomorrow/tuesday and beyond you will most likely find me with my head firmly down attempting to get as much done on my thesis as possible. Because I just want everything to be over, I want to celebrate with my family and do family things - and if I do happen to score my dream job - they want me to start straight away.

Now onto this dream job. I am currently trying to stop myself from getting my hopes up too much. The reality is that this workplace takes a number of students (I think approx 6), so it is very likely, strike that certain that out of that group of 6 students there will be at least one stand-out. Who will probably apply for the job and will be given it. I know how these things work, I truly do. What is keeping my hopes up is that I've had 2 phone calls from the head of SW there who knows my name and has spoken to me for over 45 minutes - very kindly explained the structure of their dept and gave me ideas of how else to get a job there (locum advice etc). But still, one must be realistic about this. I cannot let my random daydreams of working there next get the better of me. And its got nothing to do with being desparate for a job, because I really am not. I guess it is just the first time that I have felt passionate about a potential job - like I've been fiddling around - loving Women's health, writing about women's health, reading about women's health, hoping to get a placement there for the past 5 years and here is a real opportunity to play a part in shaping the experiences that women have. Look, I think I'll get an interview - surely on the strength of our telephone conversation I believe the woman I spoke to will grant me an interview - and the resume and cover letter I sent in today will surely impress them - but I'm not so confident on being given the job.

Anyway onto real life; my baby boy is turning 3 on Wednesday. His request for his birthday - a Lightening McQueen cake (eek!), um ok son. His request for friends, "I only want Oscar and Henry Mummy, they are my best friends". So looks like we might have a teeny, tiny get together at the park this weekend, because party is such short notice and so close to Xmas - and my beautiful grown up little boy will get his Lightening McQueen cake - oh and perhaps a birthday present from his parents. Best get onto that, and all the other related Xmas stuff that I have to do in the next 11 days. I haven't bought a thing for Xmas yet! Wheeeee, Knifepoint in the week before Xmas. My idea of pleasure, fun and laughter... NOT.

We fly out in 11 days - how exciting. Our trip to Sydney is shaping up to be fantastic. So far we have plans for NYE staying with gorgeous bunch of friends - for a day/night/day full of feasts and drinks alike. Our children will be delighted to play with a bunch of friends - it will be so much fun! We also plan to be the quintessential tourists up there - visit the Harbour bridge, catch a ferry, go to Taronga Zoo....um, eat out as much as possible..lol. Any other ideas?

Anyway, I smell all things that are good to eat on the stove. J has made a beautiful casserole type dish and my tummy is rumbling.

I think this is a sign that my posting here may well increase again.

xx Thanks for following and supporting me my lovely friends. Some of you have listened, patted and consoled me for the past 5 years - You know I love you all. Thanks xx.

ps - I so need to get myself to SAVERS!! I'm there tomorrow morning I predict ;)

Guess who is coming to visit next week?

My father. He rang me last night to confirm dates that he will be here in Melbourne and we spoke for approximately one hour.

Thats the first time we have ever spoken on the phone that long. It did end abruptly due to him becoming emotional, he is such an interesting person. I know there is love there, but he just doesn't know what to do with those emotions.

I'm really looking forward to seeing him. I'm also submitting my application for my dream job today. And aren't they just the funniest things? "I'm so excellent, my skills are everything you have ever been looking for..." lol, how difficult is it to rave about yourself!! Regardless, this is everything I have worked towards and now I will cross my fingers and hope that I score an interview. It is causing a little bit of insomnia as what the impact of working 4 days a week may do to my children. It wasn't what we initially planned, but I must do this. I hope my children will be ok and I can cope. I believe that this job will challenge every part of my practice.

Achieving my dream job

Job advertised CHECK


Feel butterflies in my tummy
when I imagine myself working
in the place I have wanted to for
the past 5 years?

CHECK!

Call your thesis supervisor, and
casually mention it who gets all
excited, demands you apply for it
and offers to be your academic
referee - and advises to talk
about your thesis topic as much
as possible during interview

CHECK!

Realise that I have already said yes
to a locum which could impact
directly on the "dream job"

CHECK!

Ring up, just to get some info and
end up having 25 min convo with
the manager who makes you want
the job MORE and who encourages
you to apply for it.

CHECK!

I'm applying for my dream job. My tummy is tingling at the thought of it. I need this job. My research, my passion, everything is directed towards this job. If I get it, I think I will be the happiest woman in the the world. Imagine that, imagine securing a job that you have dreamed of for the past 5 years.

Please god, please god let me get an interview.

TWO MORE DAYS TO GO. TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL MY PLACEMENT IS OVER.

preoccupied

Sorry for my non-stop focus on my uni atm. One week. One more week to go.


ONE MORE BLOODY WEEK.

(sssh stop trying to remind me about the thesis. I know, I know. I have to finish that too).

Mon through to Fri and then it is all over.

ps - I did cycle today after a little hiatus. I feel virtuous and I think I will go tomorrow and do pump and then cycle. I've given up sugar pretty much too. Lets see if this kick starts the last 7 kilos off me.

J's birthday on wednesday, I'm going to buy him a leather satchel as a b'day/xmas/happy graduation present... I hope he likes it. God I love him.. I think I might go and spend some time with him right now.

countdown

Thursday
Friday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday

FINISHED.

('cept for my thesis)

well..

He didn't get the job. :( . The goodish news is he was one of 48 applicants for the position and he made it to the top 4 for interviews. From that he came second, with the number one applicant somebody who had already had 6 years of teaching experience. The interviewing panel told J that he had interviewed fantastically and that the difference in experience was the only thing that got the other person over the line.

J rang me today to tell me the news and was despondent and a bit down on himself. I almost cried (god I cry a lot don't I - I'd already sooked today, but more on that later) because I had really thought that this job was in the bag for him, so close to where we live and just convenient you know? He has applied for a couple of other jobs but lots of them have teachers sitting in them too, so he is not hearing back for interviews etc. I just want to hear his exhale when he gets a position, he so deserves this. Hopefully it will come his way soon.

Now onto my little meltdown - this morning I kinda lost it. Well it comes from the past four days of catching my ride to work in a tin of sardines (oops actually the train into the city - fuck me are Connex shite, or what! I actually have to take a deep breath and charge through the millions of other passengers on the train every morning, where I am touching at least 1o other people on that train ride in - awful), fiddling my thumbs as I wait at Southern Cross for a train that actually stops at my station (note to connex part two; this new system doesn't work very well for trains stations either side of the city loop), get to work and work my arse off - struggle home back in the sardine carriers - get home, say a cursory hello to my children and my husband, walk into the study - shut the door and then start my data analysis. Yes, it's pretty god damned awful at the moment.

Gym, nup no time for it. Yes and I am getting fatter as every day wears on too, thanks for asking. Parenting? Nup, no time for it. Well, when they are looking for me they come straight to the study and they are surprised when I'm not there. What an indictment Sex? nup, no time for it. But strangely enough plenty of time to dream about it with inappropriate people. Discussion with my husband? Nup, no time for it. Hey, I talk. Me: 'harumph' *sigh*.. snore. Screaming like a banshee, stomping my feet and pulling my hair out with frustration because I couldn't get my printer to work at 7.35am this morning to print out a 35 page interview and I was scared I was going to miss the "sardine" to work - Oh yes, all the time in the world for that one. My children now think I am stark raving mad woman as I dissolved into tears over a printer, A PRINTER!! I tell you! So it didn't get much better, I missed the "sardine" and caught the next "sardine" and managed to score a prime position, squashed up against the door, prime real estate really (apart from the seat that the lucky bastards who live in McMansion Ville get to have, well I guess you gotta get something for living out that far, right?). I saw my gorgeous supervisor, who I just adore and she has given me the day off so I can concentrate on my uni stuff. Down side is, I'll still have to fight the other fish on the train, but once I get there - I can shut my office door and write with limited interruptions (on call for my patients, but as they are being d/c at such a quick rate, I doubt I'll be needed ;)).

My weekend away with my girlies has been delayed. I know it is the right reason, we shouldn't go - I need the extra time to study, but boy was I looking forward to it.

Back to my study xx

My husband.

The man above all men.

HAS HANDED HIS LAST PIECE OF WORK IN FOR HIS DEGREE. What a fucking legend. And you know what else??? He just came in and offered to do some of my transcribing (yes, still doing that can you believe it?) because he loves me so.


He has 5 more days of his prac and then he is all finished.

now I just have to get there. Week 11 here I come....

Excellent news

Yesterday I was officially verbally offered a temp position doing my supervisors role in February (now that is a compliment!! - grade 2) and then cover leave for another sw in another ward. I've also been asked to apply for a full time position for maternity leave (and to consider another part time maternity position), but I don't think I will go for it - not sure I want full time at this stage as there is too much going on at home with J starting prep and N starting 3yo kinder.

So I start in February - which is lovely as I get to have the whole of January off with my family, settle J into school and then start work.

I'm home a little later today because J has prep integration morning - very exciting and scary to be ordering his uniform and watching him go off with his peers to experience prep. I then have to rush off to work to facilitate a discharge.

As evidenced by previous posts, my tolerance levels have been taking a battering, so instead of attempting to engage with fuckwits, I've decided to batten down the hatches and keep my head down for the next few weeks.

Oh and how is this? One of my participants in my research contacted me to let me know that she is 5 months PREGNANT!! I burst into tears - I didn't realise how much I had emotionally invested whilst interviewing her and it just so happened that I have been poring over a hard copy of her interview, so I was back there in her story when I found out. She knew she was pregnant when she did the interview with me but she was at the danger period where she had always m/c so didn't dare believe it was going to continue. But it has *sob*, what wonderful news eh? Great news.. great great news!

dreaming

As I try to do everything I can to avoid what is most important at the moment (writing my results chapter), I just thought of something that I can share here.

Last night, while I was taking a break from my uni work, I walked into the living area and saw J sitting facing the stereo, glass of wine in one hand, eyes shut, posture relaxed and him just enjoying a quiet moment with the music. I haven't seen him doing that for such a long time and my reaction shocked me. Do you know what I did? I burst into tears and his eyes flew open with concern - but my tears weren't about sadness or longing, they were tears of relief and joy. Now I might be still plumbing the depths of my final weeks of study, but for my glorious husband - friday was his last day of uni. All he has left is 7000 words (due this friday) and another couple of days at his placement. Then it is all over for him. 5 hard years and it comes down to this - this might sound overdramatic but I cried because I haven't dared to think about what comes next in great detail, but over the past few weeks cracks and glimmers of hope are starting to appear. We are that bit less careful with our shopping and feelings of panic and dread don't hit as I see the checkout price. We've started to think more seriously about what we will do next year, the car, the income, the freedom to think about things.. I cannot explain to you how this is feeling. Anyway back to J. I haven't seen him this relaxed this entire year - he has been working day and night - he has also been shouldering a lot of the financial pressure that I normally take on. It was just so lovely to see him like this, so the tears flowed freely and they were tears of relief.

Can you imagine what I'm going to be like when we both graduate? I think I'm going to howl like a baby when I get to walk up on stage - it is all seems so dream like that this is going to occur - and I know that some people don't value the ceremonial aspect of graduating very much, but for the past 5 years I've been visualising this moment for myself and when I watched J graduate last July with his undergraduate degree, I cried buckets for him. But it isn't just me that I'll be sooking for, because I already know there are a number of people who will be there; my mum and Mario who packed up her life and moved to Melbourne and has moved her life around to help us with our childcare in the past two years. Who moved to live in the same suburb to support us in any way they could; lending us money when times got really tough for a bit there this year, who took me out and bought me shoes last year before I started my first placement because I didn't have any and couldn't afford them, who has encouraged us and cheered us on all the way. I will never be able to repay them for the love and support they have given to us. And so they must both be there to watch. And to my special little boys who have only known parents who are stressed and who always have so much on our plates - who know how to get to Melbourne uni by car, train and could probably get to the library unaided. They also know the trains to Monash and think the computer is permanently attached to mummy's fingers. I also have many, many friends who have loved, listened and supported us the whole way through and we have tried to figure out how best to say thank you to those around us, so we are planning this big catered party in May 09 - the weekend of my graduation and though details are sketchy at this point, we think we will throw open the doors of our humble abode for family and friends to say a big thank you.

And see just like that, I waste 30 minutes dreaming about next year. SMACK, get back to work - how the hell am I going to keep myself on task?

Things to make me smile on a friday..

ok time for positive, happy happy joy joy post! These are all the wonderful things that have happened in the last week.

As of today I have completed nine (9) weeks of a 14 week placement!

Today I upped my caseload to eight. How cool is that? That is almost half of the patient load (20).

I have organised a drug and alcohol worker to come in and present at a PD session in a fortnight. Kudos points for me. :)

I have managed to continue to network with a variety of people with a sw at a major hospital here and she has invited me to visit her. And she is a Monash alum too (Distance education too, who would of thunk it - we DE people really do make freakin great sw's - my own supervisor is also ex Monash, in fact I started the same year as her).

Today I had a particularly long intro phone call with a family member - and didn't realise that my supervisor was hovering and as I hung up the phone she looked at me square in the face and said ' You are amazing!', she had overheard my conversation and thought I was excellent. Kinda hard to beat that compliment.

I won a Melbourne cup sweep on tuesday - giving me $36 and I've decided to take my family out for breakfast to celebrate.

Today my husband attended his last lecture of his degree.

My 5yo went under the water during his swimming lesson no less than 7 times and is so chuffed with himself.

My mum came home from her holiday and QLD and brought me the most beautiful earrings from Eumundi markets.

And next week - I'll be in week 10. And I'll have 4 weeks to go.


Only bad news that I have is my next deadline is looming. 17th November and my 1st draft of results is due. Best get onto that, eh?

Oh yeah and that I haven't been to the gym in almost 3 weeks but I'm off tomorrow for pump then cycle, wish me luck because I think I'm gonna need it.

so tired..

I am so tired. Bone achingly so. I'm sitting here at 7.50pm - J is out tutoring, children have finally settled in bed - pile of dishes with my name on them to wash and all I want to do is have a hot shower and settle myself into bed with a book.

I've also been avoiding this blog a bit, because I am finding it really tough finishing the story of my father. Donna is right, it is difficult - but I want to get it done and I will try.

My work is brilliant. My case load is now hovering between 5-6 and in preparation for my midplacement review my supervisor and I had a meeting - where she said many positive things and fed back that members of the team had been very positive about me and my skills. (big smile there!!) In other shocking news, it appears we are now entering job hunting season, with no less than 9 jobs on the market - eek, does that mean I have to apply?? eek indeed. I am absolutely loving my role and I'm not sure I will be able to leave it easily in another 7 weeks, lucky there could be some type of opening for a locum position at least :) starting in February.

My research is coming ahead, I am up to data analysis stage. Here is what I have so far;

lack of acknowledgement

lack of compassion+++++

lack of information+++++ (which occurs throughout hospital experience)

invisibility of the baby (language use etc, not a baby, bleeding is like "a period")

invisibility of the mother (women not "seen" in treatment responses)

Loss of control, loss of power

Strong emotions about treatment even after grief of loss subsides

Self-blame/excuse making for ill-treatment

What women want?

Information
Power to make some decisions about their treatment (ie - natural, D&C)

Leaflets to take away

Their babies to be recognised as babies, no matter the gestation

to not have to wait in emergency

continuity of care

Directives from the researchers point of view

Information, real information - they for the most part understand that medical professionals can not answer some questions, but to be available and open to answering questions and describing what they do know as openly as possible. Being thorough about processes, even about logical events - because people in crisis may NOT think logically.

Medical staff to undergo PD (possibly from SW dept) about communication skills - active listening etc.

To reinforce that although a common consequence of pregnancy, it is not common for the woman experiencing it and for all staff to be mindful of this.

How does it sound? I think it is alright, obviously that is just base grade theming occurring there - plenty more work to do!

Gymming is going well - I was there 4 times last week, this week I've only been once but I intend to go another few times before the week is through. Eating has been pretty good, with a downfall here and there - but I do spend most of my day running between patients, up and down stairs! J had his second integration day today at his new primary school and from all accounts (ie- the husband) he appeared to do very well. Oh, I can't believe he is starting school next year *sob*

ok off to wash the dishes.

I'm trying...

But this post is proving to be difficult to write.

So I'll just fill this blog post with meaningless drivel. I am now in WEEK SIX of my placement, hows that? I am now carrying a caseload of 4 patients *wheeeee* , I have my first discharge coming up this week and I am juggling the role ok (well I think I'm ok?!).

Little J is angry at me/us/ for suddenly being away from him 5 days a week and is acting out as a result. Last week he cried and said 'please mummy, no more university - I don't want you to do that anymore' :( - it's so difficult to explain to a 5 year old that the end is coming soon, so we just say - Xmas little one, Xmas everything will be better.

I'll be back tomorrow to conclude the father chapter.

ps - I'm back at the gym - saturday, pump then cycle and then today I did cycle at 6.15am!!!

Just had to share...

I think it was in a previous post I mentioned the life changing and positve aspects of the sw area that I am in whilst on placement.

Today I got to experience that first hand just how amazing this work is. Today we went on a home visit. Home visits occur when patients appear to be ready to start having some weekend leave, they go home to their family overnight in the lead up for them coming home. Before that happens, the Occupational therapist goes to the house to see whether any adjustments need to be made and that the patient will be safe. Today I went on one of this visits.

This person had not been home for a number of months. The emotion that he and his family felt when he walked through the door, I just couldn't begin to describe. Well, I could but it just wouldn't convey it. It was enough that I had to blink back tears a number of times - it was just so amazing watching this clearly loving family just be and the patient reuniting with his pets that he hadn't seen for a number of months. Joyful, ecstatic, emotional, beautiful.

how privileged am I, to have been able to witness this family experience today?

On the drive back to the hospital with the patient, the news came on.. it was a story of parents (I think?) who had been arrested after starving their 7 year old daughter to death, she was found weighing 9kg at that age. Everybody audibly groaned at the description and I turned to my supervisor and said... 'and there is the other side of social work'.

here we go... week 4

Yesterday I started an independent case load. I was the person the patient met, I was the person the family met and provided education to. Now I am the one who will meet with the consultant and family and run all of the meetings...

And I would have started it earlier had I not been doing the lit review during work time last week.

In the hospital file, my name is next to social worker.

Yaaaaah! Here we go.

Still loving the placement.

I've done the literature review and methodology (2nd draft) so my next deadline is 1st draft of results and discussion and that is due in less than 2 weeks. I guess to do that, I will have to finish transcribing..... so that is my next task.