why I'm absent

There are lots of reasons - general busy work life, the juggle between parenting etc.

But there is another reason. My job requires me to give 120 per cent everyday. I am dealing with some of the most complex cases that most of my team have ever seen - I thrive in this type of workplace - I feel like my skills are increasing at a rapid rate and I am doing the best job that I can.

But when I come home - I am spent. I.just.can't.give.anymore. What I dream of doing is coming home, burying myself into a little cocoon, silent and numb. But that just isn't possible, is it? Don't get me wrong, I am not bringing my work home with me, I've never had any difficulties with that - Its like I don't have any feelings left - any empathy left - I've given so much throughout the day that I just feel that I need to replenish at night.

I thought I was alone with this in that I'm good at what I do, but I will not last long kinda way - but speaking with the other student who now works with me - she feels exactly the same way. Though slightly different because she has no children and lives alone so can be alone with herself.

I had a big heart to heart with my old thesis supervisor - who has morphed into a good friend/mentor and processed some of this stuff with her. She remembered feeling much the same way. While she had me there on the phone, she then used the opportunity to suggest that we should look at publishing an article about my findings. Thats pretty exciting!

I'll be back later to talk about the graduation ceremony/party weekend. It was amazing.

the coming 3 days

today - I graduate. I have been invited to special drinks for sw honours students where they will present awards as well. I pick up my regalia at 5.30pm - drinks go from 6-7.30pm and then the ceremony starts at 8pm. There are nibbles afterwards. I am taking my mother, my stepfather, j and my children. Slightly nervous that the children will be exhausted and lose it somewhere during the ceremony, but I really want them to be there.

tomorrow - I am going out for dinner with some of my closest friends (incl some that are flying in just to celebrate with me).

saturday - J and I hold a massive party to say thank you to all of our friends who have supported us over the past 6-8 years.

Am I excited? So much so that I can't sleep, hence the 6am blogging.