The weekend thus far..

Yesterday was a lovely day. The sun was shining brightly in Melbourne, it certainly felt like Spring to me. To start off the day, the boys and I had somersaulting competitions! I haven't done a somersault in years, I'd forgotten about the tickle in my stomach as I go upside down - what fun! We could have stayed doing that for most of the day, but I convinced the boys to leave the house to go to a local park for a play, suggesting that we go to kick a ball. I ended up juggling 3 different balls; AFL, soccer and basketball - but it didn't matter, why? Because the sun was shining, the world is brighter and happier when the sun is shining!

A quick trip home for lunch (pitta pizzas) and then quiet time for the boys - which was interrupted by a knock at the door. A girlfriend stopping by for a cup of tea, which was nice as I was able to have a lovely chat - I spoke quite frankly about my fears about the placement, my research and the final months of extreme financial pressure. She tried to give me money to go and get my haircut (I haven't had a haircut for who knows how long), thankful of the offer I refused. A haircut is not essential I said, but she tried to convince me because she believes it will give me an extra spring in my step - make me lighter. What a beautiful friend, huh? I still said no, because I hate owing anybody money and it would be next year before I was able to repay her. When I owe somebody money, it sits there in the corner of my mind, ever present, until I repay it in full. Anyway after a long chat, giggle and a couple of cups of tea - I sent her off and the boys and I got ready for the next adventure of the day...swimming lessons.

Swimming lessons were fun, but they were tinged with a bit of sadness from me. After next week, my mum will take over swimming lesson duty until December. I love watching them at swimming - they adore their teacher and Noah is getting so confident in the water - he was putting his head under water and Jude had his head underwater blowing bubbles while he was kicking with the kickboard. So clever, so clever. Who knows where they'll be at in December when I resume swimming lesson duty? After arriving home, the day was just so beautiful that I sent the boys outside to play while I opened every window in the house to air it. James came home briefly and then left again to tutor, I think he was very sad to leave us - he misses the boys so much.

When he got back - we decided to try out a local community gathering called 'the fish and chip night' - it is run by a local church, they open up their church hall, playground etc - and invite all local families to come with fish and chips and eat with their children. There is a cost to get in but it is minimal. We walked in and immediately ran into 3 different families that we knew and joined one at their table. The set up is absolutely brilliant - they have two adjoining rooms - one set up with craft, the other set up with movies - there is a playground and all has supervisors. Within the hall itself, there was live music, free cordial for the children and many happy families sharing meals and enjoying the night. We had a ball! So did the boys - Jude knew half of the place and Noah, well Noah doesn't need to know anybody - he just wants to join in with the big boys - at 2.5!! Noah called an end to the night at about 7.30pm by declaring he was tired and wanted to go home - but we have absolutely found a monthly event to attend as a family. Have I told you lately how much I love my community?

Today to atone for my sins, I set off to the gym where I did bodypump followed by cycle. OMG - I hadn't done pump for quite a few months as I had been bored - so I was nervous that it was going to hurt.. and boy did it hurt! Song number 2 is the squat track and I had 10kgs on my shoulders as I squatted for 5 1/2 minutes. By song number 4 my upper thighs were uncontrollably shaking, but I battled through it.. just. One hour of continuous weight lifting later, I stumbled in (legs still shaking) to my cycle class - and worked hard again for another 50 minutes. Man it felt goooooood. I'm back on the endorphin bandwagon.

I'll also be doing as much transcribing as possible today.

See I can do homework on a weekend.

I did take that break..

And just to let you all know, James had a wonderful day. He was very happy with his teaching and he spoke to his supervisor who told him that it is normal to feel like a fraud for the first two years ROFLOL.

Unfortunately due to that break, I have only managed 12 minutes transcribing lol. But I'm back onto it again.

For Sharon who asked about my criteria it is open to;

Women aged over 18 who attended a Melbourne hospital between July 2006 and December 2007 to seek treatment or advice for a miscarriage in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy.

If you know anybody who may be interested, can you ask them to contact me on my student email which is asmcl1@student.monash.edu .

Thanks.


Gym: - I slept through my alarm clock this morning on purpose. But I will go today in the afternoon, I'm back to enjoying the energy I get from working myself hard. I've managed to reset my body to this weight, but now I just need to get this last 5-10kg off and I will be a happy woman. Until I reach this goal, there is no discussion about ttc baby number 3. Oh on that; I had a dream last night that I birthed another lovely little boy. He was much smaller than the other two and I called him Oliver. aaaah.

Tuesday

So far today I have;

Completed one hard hour of gym - yes I'm back on the saddle again.

Completed my third interview for my research (I would really love to find 3 more participants though - if anybody knows anybody....;) )

Transcribed a whole 10 minutes of my second interview.

House is a mess and there is crap everywhere. I wish I could walk while I transcribe. Then I could attend to the housework.

James is having a failure crisis. He thinks that he is an absolute teaching failure. He isn't I'm sure. He is lovely and gentle and kind. Children will love him, but he just has so little belief in his abilities. While I should continue with this transcribing until my eyes bleed - I'm going to take a break when he gets home and have a cup of tea and really listen to his day. He taught 3 periods today, so will most likely need the debrief and encouragement.

pictures of sunday...

Jude
Jude again..
Noah getting ready with his 'b' and Fatima the communal doll from his childcare centre...


Noah mesmerised by the waterfall...
Noah..
Jude, Noah and Fatima

Trying to get the all in one family shot.

Weekends....

Saturday morning in this house means...

James waking up and rushing off to the markets to get fruit and vegie supplies for the week.

Me heading off to the gym for 1-2 hours (well I didn't do that this week!)

Then this saturday we;

Went to a 5th birthday party at McDonalds (yes, McDonalds!!) where my children inhaled their cheeseburgers in 5 seconds flat. Perhaps we best mention here that the parents did too .

We drove to Western hospital to pick up our beautiful best friend who was there for lectures to prepare for her surgical rounds commencing in a few weeks.

James dropped us off right outside the front door of Savers - where Em and I spent over an hour perusing the many clothes. I walked out with a shirt for James (with even more of a shock that he liked it!!), a shirt for me and a skirt that comes straight out of the 70's.

Obviously as Kmart and Dimmeys are located across the road, we did that too. Laughing and chatting along the way... and ended up at;

A delicious Vietnamese restaurant (hundreds surround us) picked at random. Me kicking myself for earlier partaking in a cheeseburger because all I wanted was delicious steaming hot noodles with crisp asian vegetables. But I was full, so I drank tea while my friend gobbled it all up. We marvelled at our situations; she is in her final year of medicine, me in my final year of social work. Within a few months we are both going to be regarded as professionals. We laughed hysterically at the thought! Isn't it wonderful, 3 of us James, Em and Me - all finishing together and all starting on our next step of our lives together.

A few more laughs in a variety of shops in Footscray, a cuddle and then goodbyes and back 2 stations to my home where my husband was busy cooking dinner for us all.

Dinner, cuddles with children - off to bed they go.

Off to bed I go ah 8.30 on a saturday night - with the Time Travellers Wife which I get proceeded to become engrossed in reading for the next 2 hours. James stays up preparing for his lessons as he starts his 3 week teaching block next week.

Blissful sleep.

Sunday morning in this house means...

Waking up before light and hearing my boys chattering (well actually that occurs most days)

Banana pancakes made by James.. (usually kickstarted by Noah calling out...'I hungry Daddy').

Children running around, arguing, laughing, creating cubby houses...

And today on this sunday?

We're heading out for an adventure. We were going to go to Lake Mountain to have some snow play, but I (mean mummy) called it off because of the expense in hiring the gear and I actually don't like snow all that much. So we decided to go exploring our favourite part of Melbourne; the Dandenongs. Where we can show our children (like we do every time..!) where we got married http://www.poetslane.com.au/ . I imagine one day the children will roll their eyes and go 'yes Mum, we know that is where you got married...', because everytime we go up there - we have to visit Poets Lane and show them, James and I love to drive up through the gates and relive that magical day almost 7 years ago. We will also go to James' favourite spot up there; the arboretum. We are going to take our gum boots and get out to go into the forest and try to find some slugs and worms to show the boys. It is going to be a day for exploring and dreaming...

I anticipate that we'll come home - cold, possibly a bit wet and dirty and hungry.

Dinner, bath and boys into bed.

Me - America's Next Top Model (my secret shame)
James - preparing for his next 3 weeks

God I love weekends in this house.

(Did you notice I failed to mention me doing any Uni work - smack my hand NOW!)

today I...

Did my second interview and made a time to complete my third interview next week!!

Second interview had different scenarios from the first, but so many similar themes came through. I cannot tell you how amazing it is to sit there and to make connections, especially with my literature review. It's funny (and sad) that the same themes weave their way through peoples lives - the only similarity shared is having a miscarriage.

I then rushed off to uni to go to my honours afternoon, a fortnightly class made up of honours students (all 4 of us ;)) and my supervisor. As part of the afternoon I presented some raw data and the other students had a go at preliminary coding and theming of the data. How lucky am I? I had 4 other intelligent people look over a portion of my data and give me their feedback and I have all of their notes that they made - very lucky indeed.

Now I'm home - I'm tired and I'm looking down the barrel of my next challenge - transcription.

7 days

Since I have been to the gym. Not too bad you might say... EXCEPT that today I am going to all you can eat YUM CHA!!

My pants are getting tighter just thinking about it. I promise I'll go back to the gym monday morning for cycle.

btw - my position on placement is ABI rehab, very excited.

Have a nice weekend...!

six things...

Ok - I have been tagged by the beautiful Shel from; http://diaryofawannabehippy.blogspot.com/

Here are the rules ...
1. Link to the person who “tagged” you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know your entry is up.

ok here goes;

1.There is nothing I love more than crusty bread - with grilled processed cheese, spinach leaves and some hot sauce - this is pretty much what I eat every day for lunch.

2.It is a constant battle for me to remain calm. I have an anxious personality and I am always thinking about the dire things that might occur. I fail at this more than I'd like to admit.

3. I wish I had a normal family. I'd like nothing more than to live within the same township - have my family grow up within the extended family unit - but due to some serious personality clashes and deep-seeded anger etc, this will never occur.

4.I'm scared of what is next in my life. It feels like everything has been on hold for the past five years while we studied and now we are at the beginning of the end, I'm scared about what is going to come next.

5.I have very little belief in myself, lack confidence and have a low self-esteem. I find it very difficult to believe people when they tell me positive things about myself and I am quick to dwell on anything negative that is said about me.

6. People never believe my heritage make up. My mother's side has a victorian cross winner, a family of jockeys and are of Scottish and English background. My father's father is Welsh and his mother is Tongan. I met my grandmother for the first time last year in Perth and to date it was probably one of the most moving times in my life. I cried for Australia (as did she and my aunty).

Everybody i know has been tageed, so I will leave it there.

this week.

I finished the transcribing about 9.30am on sunday morning, so now it is back with the participant for final approval. I have another 5 potential participants (that is, they've asked for further information and I am waiting to hear back to organise interviewing times..) but I am finding it very difficult to wait, wait, wait. I just want to get this part done, especially now since I know just how long it takes to transcribe the actual interview itself. So I sit refreshing my uni email again and again and again. I hear this is the most painful part of the research process, the recruitment. But I also understand that this topic is taboo, it isn't commonly talked about and so I must expect that people might have to think carefully before sharing something so personal with a stranger (and knowing that the information will be used for research).

I went for my placement interview yesterday. Looks like I will be in one of two positions, the first is what I mentioned in my last post and the second will be based in rehab (mostly road trauma). Both positions sound fascinating and I am excited at the prospect of the skills that I will leave with :). I start that placement in 3 weeks, which means I have 17 WEEKS left of my degree :) . I can barely believe it.

I have haven't been very good with the gym lately. I think it is the weather that is making me lazy. I haven't put on any weight, that I can feel - but I so need to shift these last ten kilos. I think once the weather heats up a little, I will get back into it. For now I just want to concentrate on being with my kids and J when they are home.

I'll be off then and do the six things that Shel tagged me for a few entries ago...

Transcribing

I have completed my first interview. I cannot tell you how much of a privilege it is to listen to something so personal, with someone opening up in front of you, a virtual stranger. I cannot explain to everyone just how excited I am about this research now - I just need a couple more participants and I will be on my way.

Now onto the transcribing. Yesterday I sat at my pc and transcribed for the most part of the day. So far I have only transcribed 30 minutes!! There is about an hour to go - omg I didn't really anticipate how much the transcribing would take me, its all good though. Apart from cringing when listening to my own voice, I am immersing myself in the data and already starting to analyse and make connections to my literature review.

Things I have learnt;

How much I love interviewing people - it really is an honour to be allowed to listen in to somebodies story.

How much I love the mechanics of research - organising an interview room, dealing with varied people, working out how to get somewhere I have never been before, the interview itself. I really like the contact with people.

My placement

I have been given confirmation about my placement. It is going to be at the private hospital I mentioned before and I will be working in the acute health section of social work. At this hospital it is cancer and neurology. God, I hope I can do this - I hope it isn't too challenging for me...! My supervisor I spoke to sounds really lovely, so fingers crossed all goes well. I'm starting the 8th of September.

Best be off, I have less than an hour to transcribe more before J leaves for the day.

the weekend...

no gym. dress up in my new favourite 'Savers' outfit, step out the door with J and head into the city to attend a good friends 30th - to a bar with a tab - whereupon I manage to do a number of things;

A woman I had just met was passing me a glass so we could have champagne and something funky happened which resulted in two smashed glasses all over our hands. This was within 10 minutes of arriving. Hmm.

These funky Melbourne bars have all manners of little side-slung rooms/alleyways and rickety stairs leading up to the roof for the smokers (excellent view to right in the CBD) - I go up there to chat to some friends, take a toilet break and manage to slide/fall down a few stairs. In my own mind, I reacted silently - fell heavily but continued on my merry way to use the toilet. But in actual fact I apparently fell and loudly said 'oh FUCK!' . I stepped back upstairs and everyone not only heard me swear loudly, they heard me fall heavily. And I was not allowed to forget about it for the rest of the night.

There is quite possibly going to be a number of photos on facebook appearing of me showing a bit of leg because one of the photographers was fascinated by my fishnets.

I love my friends. Last night I was surrounded by so many of our friends. People we don't see nearly enough of - it was so nice to just be with them. The person whose birthday it was, had an integral part in the meeting of J and I. I met him at her 21st - and last night was her 30th.

I love vodka, lime and soda. I will never, ever tire of this drink.

I can stay out until 2.30am (and I could have stayed even longer - but the thought of sunday morning sent me scurrying for a taxi).

Taxi rides are almost invariably funny for whatever reason. Last night we had "Mr Angry", who steadfastly remained angry the entire trip home, even though J was making polite conversation. He played music very loudly and it was a very scary ride home.

Sunday morning - I managed to sleep in to 8am - woke up and first thought was ...

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

I dragged my sorry arse out of bed, met J who was making pancakes with maple syrup for the boys. He motioned to Nurofen extra, clicked the kettle on and proceeded to make me a coffee as I contemplated how on earth we were going to cope with attending a birthday party. But we survived. However, halfway through the party - my injured leg from my stair incident the night before is throbbing and getting up quickly at the party results in another whacking great bruise, but this time on the ankle. Oh yeah, I'm all class

So as I contemplate my ruined food intake (and lets not even get into the alcohol intake!) for the weekend and wonder when oh when I will lose this final - I also have another week ahead of me. My first interview. My first interview is this week!!!

Anyway, best be off to bed. Cycle is on at 6am tomorrow. I need to get back onto the horse and get this weight loss started.