the journey

I just found my first grey hair about 10 minutes ago. It all began innocently enough while I took a quick toilet break from my uni work, as I was washing my hands I looked up at myself in the mirror and caught sight of something, distinctly different from the background of my dark brown hair. Could it be? I grabbed it and held it up for confirmation. Yes! A long silver, thick hair strand.

Confirmation that I am growing older. Has anyone else found their first grey hair yet? What ages were you? I'm 31.5 - James is almost all grey, but I have had none, until today that is.

my other love...

Savers.
I've mentioned this store before, but I just have to mention it again. Last week after after my physio appt I decided to swing by Savers for a quick look see. I bought a beautiful white dress, it was quite expensive by Savers standards - $17 but it is brand new. I ended up wearing it to the trivia night that I mentioned in the post below with brown chunky belt and boots. I think I looked like a legend, but I always feel good wearing boots - there is something about the noise that they make. Now the reality of what I looked like could be totally different LOL!

I wasn't a 100 per cent sure about what it really looked like, but took it home and James went ga-ga over it. I love Savers, seriously - there is a lot of dusty tragic stuff, but dig deep enough and treasure you will find. More than half of my wardrobe is from Savers and it gives me the opportunity to feel like I don't have to wear the same clothes for years on end, especially as I have lost weight and all of my old clothes no longer fit. Next year when I have more money, I still think I will be amongst them all at Savers on a saturday morning.

Yes, I'm still writing my literature review (I swear I would make a great PhD student!!) but I hope to have it finished today and then I can spend more than 5 minutes here writing lol. Hey, you try and meld miscarriage from a nursing/medical/sociological/psychological point of view, then throw Social Work into the mix - it is BLOODY difficult!

thoughts about post december

I've been toying about going to work for DHS next year (child protection). I've been considering that it may be good grounding for me as a practitioner and I am both attracted and repulsed by the thought of working there. Strange huh?

Well today we had a 4 hour lecture about child abuse. I felt physically sick and am now re-evaluating my previous position. The worst part is, tomorrow I have to hear more.

I don't want to :( .

Saturday night we had our trivia night and I had a little bit too much to drink. That always happens when I am around people that I like, and our table was in hysterics for most of the night. ESPECIALLY when the guy sitting next to me remembered the acronym to KIT (and he was the only person in the whole place who knew what it stood for)! Bravo Dan!! We kicked on from the trivia night (that just sounds WRONG) to a local wine bar in the village and stayed on there until they kicked us out. We stumbled in the door at 2am. Luckily for me I'm married to the worlds most considerate man and when I woke up on sunday morning, dishevelled - smudged mascara et al, he presented me with panadol, water and banana pancakes smothered in maple syrup. (I did really want McDonalds though but whats a girl to do).

I then had to pay more penance by going to a 5 yo party, upside was I got to eat junky party food and drink soft drink. Aah. To counteract that, this morning I was up at 6am to do my cycle class, before attending caulfield to learn about

genericism (gripping) and then the lecture on child abuse. Luckily there were no slides involved like my other less fortunate friends have had to experience, but the descriptions were enough.

Anyway, I've been out all night at my committee meeting, so I'm off to bed, ni-night.

am here...

Just insanely busy.

Presentation done today - ok, but yes I jibbered on a bit and was a sweaty woman at the end of it. I was told I was incredibly passionate about the topic. I've realised just why I am feeling so nervous about this research. I'm scared I'm not going to do it the justice it deserves.

I will come in later and offer something more substantial, but I have a killer week coming up.

1 party saturday
1 trivia night saturday night for Kinder
1 party sunday
Uni monday - presentations skills etc
chairing kinder committee meeting on monday night
Uni tuesday
supervision meeting tuesday
uni wednesday
uni thursday
uni friday
lit review due.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. 6 months to go. 6 months to go.

Tonight I just want to flop on the couch and talk to my beautiful husband.

Could this be the answer I am looking for?

70 per cent dark chocolate! I swear one teeny tiny square is all it is taking for me to get my hit. I literally cannot eat anymore than one piece. I think I may have found my saviour!

Is there anything..[and a quick update]

..more cringe worthy than being forced to record a 10 minute interview which you must review over and over again in order to write a 1000 word critical analysis? And then the final kick in the bum? Sending said DVD with your analysis to your Lecturer so they can watch it too! Horrors of horrors!

Awwwwwful, I can't bear to watch myself. I hate being watched. I find it almost vomit worthy actually. I'm actually wondering whether this is a serious defect within myself. I think it is linked to my confidence or lack thereof, but also the contrived falseness of the situation. What I record and what the lecturers see is NOT what I am like when I am with a client. I know this is a very important thing to do in my profession; observation and critical reflection, but really I'm not sure I will ever be able to be comfortable.

Oh anyway, it was only worth 20 per cent! Anyway onto brighter news. I've finished work for this semester! I still have to continue working however, but this time it is all on my honours from now on. Next week I have to present an hour long lecture to interested parties about what I have done up to now... picture this...'blah blah blah,... nothing nothing nothing' repeat for ONE whole hour, which includes opening up the floor to questioning! Um should I mention my lack of confidence in the paragraph above here. I can talk underwater, and up there I will, but with great big sweat rings appearing in the underarm area and a lot of rabbiting along about nothing - anxious chatter if you will. Then as soon as I've finished I'll sit down and the negative self talk will begin 'that was crap. People are going to know that you are a faker.' and then later on that night in bed I will still be concentrating on something that I said (or didn't whichever the case may be). Can you tell I'm looking forward to this? I'm guessing from reading this back I might need to work on the confidence thing.

Family news - James got an incredibly favourable teaching review back, saying that his calm and soothing style had engaged the children well. Above all he was a kick-arse teacher* Jude is a social butterfly, he had us dragged around to 2 parties over the weekend, there is one this friday and today there were another two invites in his pigeon hole at Kinder. Sheesh kid, not so popular alright, we can't afford all of these presents! Noah-Boah is recovering from some hideous cold which turned secondary and for his illustrous efforts in being unwell, was rewarded with his first prescription of antibiotics. Poor little Boah.

House news - we had the inspection, was told to expect up to a $20 per week rental increase (going up to market rate would have seen this place going up by about $100 a week, and $20 is stretching it a bit for us). We nervously awaited to hear from the real estate about whether we would be offered a new lease...and today we DID! WOOHOOO! One less stress to worry about, we are so chuffed because we adore this area and would be devestated if we had to move. And we only have 4 months of paying higher rent before we graduate and earn income!!

Bogan mobil news - yesterday the brakes failed, yes they bloody well failed! Luckily James was only reversing the car from our house, so there were no children in the car and he was able to safely bring it to a stop. C'mon bogin mobil, get us over the line! Remind me to upload some photos of the state that our bogin mobil is in and see why Jude complains about the stinky old car that he is forced to be a passenger in! Well Jude back in the good old days when you were a baby, we didn't even HAVE a car. In fact we brought you home from hospital by catching a TRAM! HA!

Gymming news - not getting there as much as I would like, but still managing to reduce. I have no idea why. I am still eating chocolate but my new tactic is to eat only dark chocolate as I eat less. Tonight I had some 70 per cent stuff and I only managed to consume a tiny square! This might be the new trick.

Wow, big update and lots of news there. Best be off, I'm doing *stuff* with photos.


* may not have said this in so many words, but the intent was there I'm sure ;) .

Ethics committee response

Social Work Faculty of Med Nursing & Health Sciences Caulfield 26 May 2008
Miscarriage: Women's experiences of treatment in a
hospital setting

Dear Researchers,

I am writing to let you know that the
SCERH considered
your application at meeting. To enable the Committee to
satisfy itself that the research conforms to the National Statement on Ethical
Conduct of Research Involving Humans, the following issues and questions need
further clarification:

1. With regard to your responses to Q6.4, Q6.5 and Q6.6,
please explain why there is a small chance that you may be required to break
confidentiality if there is disclosure by the patient of a certain nature. It is
not clear how, or why, such information is likely to be proffered in the context
of this research – please describe.

2. Please note that letters of permission
from relevant organisations must be forwarded to SCERH before research commences
at that organisation. Please confirm that these will be sent.

3. Please delete
the words “I’ve moved up in the world” from your Explanatory Statement. Also,
please enlarge on the type of information “not directly related to the research”
that you allude to in the Explanatory Statement. Please forward the amended
Explanatory Statement to SCERH for approval.

This is the email I got today. Apparently this is a fantastic response as the things I need to change are only very minor. I would like to however, draw your attention to no.3 and the sentence "please delete the words "I've moved up on the world" from your Explanatory Statement". That had my scratching my head!! So I got out the explanatory statement and found this...

My name is A and I am conducting a research project under the supervision of C
F, a Lecturer (I’ve moved up in the world!) in the Department of Social Work
towards a BA/BSW(Honours) at...

Originally I had her as tutor - and she has come in and corrected it herself - and both she and I missed that!! I couldn't stop laughing when I realised that I had sent a 50 page application - all very carefully worded and triple checked and left a great big glaring mistake like that, especially something so hilarious as well! How funny, I bet the ethics committee got a real laugh out of it too! Anyway, back off to put finishing touches on essay. Looks like within the next month I'll be starting my recruitment process. Very exciting!

My baby lost a tooth!

Jude - aged 5 years and 1 week today lost his first tooth!

I only saw it as he was talking to me. He is nervous about it - but so far I have got out that he did it whilst he was eating an apple at Kinder and 'it just disappeared'.

I'm not ready for this!

a quick excited entry

I just put my 'buying a house with a granny-flat for my parents' to my Mother and not only does she agree with it, she thinks it is a fantastic idea. They will put some money towards the deposit (20k for instance) to enable us to get into the property market quicker and they will live with us in a granny flat. We have no ties, no restrictions on where to live - maybe out of Melbourne, maybe stay where we are, maybe Northern NSW! How EXCITING!!!!

What does Alanis Morrisette sing?

Most important two weeks of this semester. Last monday woke up and couldn't move my neck. Today I have woken up and feel zombified thanks to my precious Noah passing on some illness to me. Could anymore barriers be placed in front of my finishing this 3500 word essay worth 80 per cent? (I'll come and talk about it later). My family have gone out today, so I can concentrate on writing my essay but I just feel like crawling back into my cave.

Just had to add this in. Jude has a hi-low bed from Ikea and for the last year it has been up high, but we keep on catching Noah climbing, jumping and it was only a matter of time before we would find him crumpled on the floor after falling from it. So last night we turned the bed upside down and made it a low bed. Jude immediately asked if he could have a sleepover with Noah and James and I grimaced thinking about the night of no sleep ahead, but we begrudgingly said yes. Well...
they slept together all night without so much as a giggle or peep (oh except when Noah fell out but we had provided a cot mattress for him to soften the landing anyway!). Noah and his first night out of a cot, they looked so damn cute cuddled up together. We think we might let them sleep together for a little while, until we can afford to buy a bed for Noah. Ahh they may be forced to be brothers but they are truely best friends.

Note to self- current real estate interest... Wallan.