so tired..

I am so tired. Bone achingly so. I'm sitting here at 7.50pm - J is out tutoring, children have finally settled in bed - pile of dishes with my name on them to wash and all I want to do is have a hot shower and settle myself into bed with a book.

I've also been avoiding this blog a bit, because I am finding it really tough finishing the story of my father. Donna is right, it is difficult - but I want to get it done and I will try.

My work is brilliant. My case load is now hovering between 5-6 and in preparation for my midplacement review my supervisor and I had a meeting - where she said many positive things and fed back that members of the team had been very positive about me and my skills. (big smile there!!) In other shocking news, it appears we are now entering job hunting season, with no less than 9 jobs on the market - eek, does that mean I have to apply?? eek indeed. I am absolutely loving my role and I'm not sure I will be able to leave it easily in another 7 weeks, lucky there could be some type of opening for a locum position at least :) starting in February.

My research is coming ahead, I am up to data analysis stage. Here is what I have so far;

lack of acknowledgement

lack of compassion+++++

lack of information+++++ (which occurs throughout hospital experience)

invisibility of the baby (language use etc, not a baby, bleeding is like "a period")

invisibility of the mother (women not "seen" in treatment responses)

Loss of control, loss of power

Strong emotions about treatment even after grief of loss subsides

Self-blame/excuse making for ill-treatment

What women want?

Information
Power to make some decisions about their treatment (ie - natural, D&C)

Leaflets to take away

Their babies to be recognised as babies, no matter the gestation

to not have to wait in emergency

continuity of care

Directives from the researchers point of view

Information, real information - they for the most part understand that medical professionals can not answer some questions, but to be available and open to answering questions and describing what they do know as openly as possible. Being thorough about processes, even about logical events - because people in crisis may NOT think logically.

Medical staff to undergo PD (possibly from SW dept) about communication skills - active listening etc.

To reinforce that although a common consequence of pregnancy, it is not common for the woman experiencing it and for all staff to be mindful of this.

How does it sound? I think it is alright, obviously that is just base grade theming occurring there - plenty more work to do!

Gymming is going well - I was there 4 times last week, this week I've only been once but I intend to go another few times before the week is through. Eating has been pretty good, with a downfall here and there - but I do spend most of my day running between patients, up and down stairs! J had his second integration day today at his new primary school and from all accounts (ie- the husband) he appeared to do very well. Oh, I can't believe he is starting school next year *sob*

ok off to wash the dishes.